The Hitachiins’ New Headwear
by Rai-Child
Summary: Hikaru and Kaoru get their hands on something they really shouldn’t… Onesided TamaHaru. TwinsHaruhi’sbra. Oneshot.


The Hitachiins' New Headwear

Oneshot

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or any of the characters.

Summary: Hikaru and Kaoru get their hands on something they really shouldn't… Onesided TamaHaru. TwinsHaruhi'sbra. Oneshot.

Author's Note: _Yes, that is a relatively interesting pairing. X3 Hikaru and Kaoru x Haruhi's bra. Enjoy._

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There are many words that simply should _not, _under any circumstances, be said to Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru. Haruhi had been quick to learn that the Host Club was just _full_ of embarrassing incidents just waiting to happen- and unfortunately, the twins seemed to be behind most of them. The fact was, they were completely _unavoidable, _and whilst one might think that they had used up all of their mischief-reserves for a year or two, time and again, everyone was proved wrong.

Victim Number One was and always would be Tamaki, but in the event of him not being around...

She was standing alone. And therefore vulnerable to attack.

The 'High Blood Pressure Demon Lord' formerly known as Ootori Kyouya was in the corner, looking thoroughly uninterested and totalling up the sums for that day. Honey and Mori were seeing the last of the customers through the door, and Tamaki had ran off in a sulk after Haruhi had warned him about 'personal space, or lack thereof', for the fifth time in the past hour.

It hadn't particularly bothered her.

The identical grins that were now turned on her from across the room were more worrying.

Yes, there are many, _many _words that simply should not be thrown in a Hitachiin's direction. Amongst these phrases were;

_"Put that down!"_

_"Don't-!"_ And...

_"Stop calling me 'Lord' dammit!" _However, at that particular moment in time, Haruhi found herself learning a certain, fundamental lesson all over again. The exact reason _why _no one left their belongings where sticky, identical sets of fingers might come across something they shouldn't...

Haruhi gaped.

If Hikaru wasn't too busy wearing her bra as a _hat, _then maybe he would have closed her mouth for her.

There they were, Hikaru's arms twined around his twin's shoulders as they both put on their best 'innocent' faces, a certain mess of white material and elastic perched happily on top of the older twin's red hair. Haruhi's eyes narrowed, once she was done with her fish-out-of-water impression.

She could have sworn the _nuisance _of a garment was looking at her.

_That's it... I've officially lost it... I should sue._

Still, despite these thoughts, every coherent sentence she tried to string together seemed to escape her. She settled for a simple, all-purpose...

_"Buh?"_

"Eh? Oh, hello Haruhi." Came the simultaneous response, perfectly on-beat, as usual. Haruhi waved a hand hopelessly.

"Wuh... Why... Why have you got..." Hikaru grinned.

"Oh, this?" He put a hand to his head, shooting a completely obvious sideways glance at Kaoru just to get on the girl's nerves. "Looks great on me, don't you think?" She took a step forward, stomach sinking as they mirrored it, moving further out of reach. They laughed.

"Ah, ah, ah, Haruhi..." Kaoru mirrored his brother's smirk half of a second too slow, but it went unnoticed.

_That... My... How could they have...? _Realisation was like a blow to the head, a brick through a window, or the Otaku phenomenon known as Renge... Completely unsubtle.

She had taken that damned bikini off, when she arrived home yesterday.

Meaning that she had worn it under her clothes.

Meaning that she hadn't been able to find her underwear after the Club had finished swimming yesterda-

She made a quick sweep of the room, despite the alarm bells that immediately went off in her head. Honey was busy pinching Mori's cheeks from his position on the taller boy's shoulders, Tamaki was Kami-knows-where, and Kyouya appeared to be on auto-pilot, tired eyes half-lidded as he typed sluggishly on the damned laptop... No one had noticed.

Still, her _bra _was on his _head, _so it was only a matter of time, really.

The sly step towards the door didn't go unnoticed.

Haruhi caught herself just a moment too late-

_"Don't... You... Dare..."_

-and she had effectively condemned herself. Identical pairs of eyes lit up wickedly at the challenge, and in a sudden rush of red hair and blue school uniform, they were gone, straight past Honey and Mori, and out of the door. Haruhi screwed her eyes shut, massaging her temples with the first two fingers of each hand and thinking _soothing thoughts..._

_Sunshine..._

_Birdsong..._

_The twins' heads on a stick..._

"Haruhi?" She looked up to see Kyouya giving her a decidedly odd look, eyes impossible to read as the light caught his glasses. She growled, snatching up her blazer and slipping it on, not even bothering to reply. After all- they _were _Hitachiins. She couldn't waste any time.

-----

_If I was a Hitachiin… _She paused, frowning. _No… If I was a Hitachiin with something I _shouldn't have, _where would I be…?_

Things were not going well. Despite her best intentions to a) retrieve her underwear as soon as possible, and b) deal a successful punishment as revenge, she had spent the last of her free time wandering around the corridors, on the lookout for any sign of the twins _or _the subject of their little 'game'.

The issue was, if anyone found it, she would have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.

If _Tamaki _found it, society would be destroyed- he would most likely suffer a mental breakdown and spend the rest of his days wailing and clinging to Kyouya's legs.

_Yes... For the good of the Host Club... And Kyouya-sempai's mobility-_

"Haruhi-kun!"

_...Eh? _She turned, only to come face to face with a creature that seemed to be made up entirely of yellow skirts, frills and perfume. One of the customers, no doubt. Host-Mode was immediately switched on.

"Oh, uh..." She couldn't remember the girl's name. "It's... Er... You." The girl blinked. Haruhi quickly moved to cover the slip up- "How nice to see you!" In seconds, the girl's expression went from bewildered to flushed with pride.

"Ah, Haruhi-kun... We were just wondering why you won't be at the Host Club today..."

"Oh, uh-"

"You see, a group of us thought we'd stop by again after yesterday; it was so lovely being able to chat about commoners and drink instant coffee- you really are funny, Haruhi-kun! Tamaki-kun told us that you were off-duty for today, but he couldn't tell us why..." And off she went as the young ladies tended to do, rambling on about how Naoko-chan had told her to come and find you, and Hiromi-chan had told everyone she'd never pluck up the courage, but she _had, _so that counted for something, right, Haruhi-kun?

Unfortunately for the rather lost young 'man' she was talking to, the moment 'he' had been anticipating for the best part of the day cropped up in the middle of her monologue. Identical red-headed figures disappeared around the corner, the almost hysterical laughter that followed them giving them away…

And thus, Hikaru, Kaoru and their new choice of head-wear slipped through Haruhi's fingers once more.

-----

"Hikaru?"

It was infuriating, having them so close, but unable to do anything.

The evening had passed and there was still no sign of the missing item; after all, it _was_ the next day. It could have been anywhere by now. Haruhi's head snapped up and in the twins' general direction. Amazingly, the nose-bleed-factor that was the Hitachiins had yet to be unleashed upon their adoring fans, and so as soon as Kaoru's 'uke voice' was heard, Haruhi was instantly alert.

The younger twin was close to stammering.

The customers looked about ready to faint.

"I… I found this…"

_He isn't… _Haruhi very nearly up-ended the table in her effort to make it half-way across the room to the table where they sat, but was interrupted as a certain blonde-haired 'king' took it upon himself to start mauling his lowly-commoner again.

"Haruhi!" An arm was wrapped around her shoulders before she could duck under it and break Kaoru's nose for-

_"It… I'm sorry, I had to check… It was in your coat…"_

"I just wanted to say that I forgive you for yesterday." Haruhi stopped her struggling for a moment to look up at him in bewilderment.

"Wuh?"

_Kaoru held out the bra for Hikaru to inspect, the customers gasping in absolute, unrestrained horror. Kaoru was crying._

_"I… Why didn't you tell me?"_

_"Kaoru… It's not what it looks like…"_

"I understand that your… Stand-offish behaviour yesterday was simply down to a lack of communication on both of our parts-"

_The tears were running freely by now, and Kaoru secretly thanked the small bottle of eyedrops he had hidden in his pocket. Yes, it irritated his eyes but it was so worth it when you considered the effect…_

_"You've found someone else, haven't you?"_

_"No, Kaoru…"_

_"Whose is it?"_

_"I would never betray you like that!"_

Despite the fact that the twins had her underwear on display for the world-and-then-some to see, Haruhi found herself not-so-subtly steering Tamaki _away _from their little display.

_Bra… Tamaki… Not. Good._

"Communication?" She asked warily, still keeping half an eye on the twins. Tamaki sighed.

_"…It's mine." Hikaru said quickly. Kaoru blinked._

_"What?" Hikaru smiled, pulling him in closer…_

_"I… I thought you might want to…"_

The combined force of the fangirl squeals that erupted from that particular table very nearly had Haruhi tripping over her own feet in her haste to get away from the madness, before it somehow infected her own mind. She was convinced that the world had gone completely insane.

Tamaki's eyes were narrowed in confusion.

"How…? Is that a-"

"Never mind that!" Haruhi squeaked, turning him forcibly to face her. "You were talking about communication?"

"Ah, yes… I- that _is _a bra they have there, right?"

"Er… Not-"

"Hikaru! Kaoru! A word please!"

"Yes mi'lord!" They left their customers to recover from the sheer force of the act, trotting obediently over to the blonde. The underwear was purposefully hanging out of Hikaru's pocket. Tamaki led them to one side, dragging the shell-shocked Haruhi by her wrist, his countenance darkening considerably.

_"What do you think you are doing?"_ He hissed, ignoring Haruhi's unsuccessful bid for freedom as she squirmed in his grip. The twins shrugged in perfect unison, identical grins splitting their faces.

"All for the Host Club, mi'lord." It was uncanny, how they always managed to be word-perfect. Tamaki winced.

"Where did you get that… Uh, that… That _thing-"_

"Oh, you mean this?" Hikaru pulled it out, obviously aware of the eyes of most of the room burning into his back. "Don't worry, Tono. Strictly for private use only." The dull thud of someone fainting was briefly recognized, but Tamaki brushed it off.

"You-"

"Besides, I was certain Haruhi-kun wouldn't mind me taking it, after all, I _do _intend to put it to good use…"

Time seemed to stand still for a moment.

One glorious moment, where Haruhi could imagine she _wasn't_ in the grip of a madman and the Hitachiins _hadn't _commandeered her underwear.

When the world turned again, all hell broke loose.

Aside from the revelation that-

_"Haruhi-kun wears girls' underwear!"_

-that suddenly gripped the whole room, thanks to Hikaru's oh-so-thoughtful announcement, watching Tamaki was as close to painful as Haruhi had experienced from just looking at someone.

He had gone decidedly red in the face, his head bent and his eyes glued to nothing in particular, staring blankly at _nothing _as he digested this information. He should take his time, Haruhi reasoned. Maybe he would do himself less damage that way.

In fact, his initial reaction was so delayed, Haruhi wondered whether he had fallen asleep on the spot. She couldn't see his eyes through his blonde hair; he didn't bother to brush it to one side and out of his face.

The chatter had stopped; everyone now focused on 'Tamaki-kun' and his upcoming reaction…

"Tama-chan?" Honey piped up from across the room, shooting a worried glance at Mori. A soothing hand came down on his shoulder in response.

Haruhi tapped her senior's arm, cautiously tilting her head to try and see his face. Her voice was hesitant.

"…Sempai?"

_"OKAA-SAN!" _He wailed, pointing animatedly at the twins, who had to jump back a little to avoid being stabbed by his accusing finger. "They-they-they-!" Across the room, 'mommy' somehow managed to sink a little lower into his seat without looking _too _undignified, very much wishing that the ground would swallow him up. "Have you _seen _what they've stolen?"

"I think we've all seen it, Tamaki-sempai…" Mumbled Haruhi, more than a little embarrassed.

Tamaki didn't look like he was about to back down any time soon. Several pairs of eyes went from Tamaki to Haruhi's underwear to Kyouya, and back again.

"Yes, yes…" The dark-haired boy was suddenly on his feet, tilting his head barely to the side and smiling _far _too wide to be healthy. The tick in his eye seemed to go unnoticed by the girls who he had been sitting with. "I'd say that this session is up now, hmmm? Must be punctual for our classes, isn't that right, ladies?"

_"Ah, Kyouya-sempai…"_

_"So considerate-"_

_"Of course…" _Despite the obvious distraction technique and the sheer relief of _convenience _for once, the appreciative mumbles continued as all of the customers made their way to the door. Honey and Mori quickly 'disposed' of Tamaki behind the large screen that provided at least a little privacy from the concerned eyes of those that were lingering in the doorway, although his angry mutterings were clearly audible even from across the room.

"Disgusting… inconsiderate… punished, of course… let them get away with it, will you?… stupid Kyouya…"

Funnily enough, when he turned to unleash his fury upon his 'victims', both Kyouya and the twins had mysteriously vanished along with the customers.

"Class, remember, Tama-chan?" Reminded Honey, clutching Mr. Bunny between nervous fingers and gazing worriedly at him. Tamaki realised he had been scowling at the closed door, but didn't stop, regardless.

The room felt horribly lonely, considering she had just been humiliated in public, but still, Haruhi decided to make the most of the situation.

She was already devising a way to get out of the next 'vacation' trip Hikaru and Kaoru were undoubtedly pushing.

If that didn't work, she would just have to put barbed wire on her pants and hope that it wasn't _too_ uncomfortable.

-----

_Owari. :3_

_Ally_


End file.
